Anger Management Skills
A skills programme by Tremendis Learning
Anger Management Tips
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Ten Anger-Freeing Thoughts
- No one can make you angry without your consent.
- Anger comes back to you: Emotions work just like a boomerang. If you want others to treat you positively, begin each day by asking yourself what and who is important.
- It's only money: Most things come down to money. Too often you may found yourself upset - angry - because something goes wrong and it has a financial cost. In the end it is all about priorities. Ask yourself what is the "cost"of something.
- Other people are not the enemy: Reserve the status of "enemy" for those people who truly threaten your physical safety or emotional health. Think of the rest of them as people. Unless the lady in the queue pulls out a gun and asks you for your wallet, she is just an annoying person, not an enemy - and not worth getting angry over.
- Life isn't fair - Not even at the top.
- Energy is a terrible thing to waste: It takes energy for you to be and stay angry.Too much anger can leave you utterly exhausted. You can choose where to put your energy. Is your energy working to benefit you - to improve your life - or is it simply wasted?
- We're only human: The minute you forget that you're human just like everyone else, you're in trouble. Thinking of yourself as superior to other people is an open invitation to anger. Settle for just being ordinary. You're still unique. Being one of the human race means you can just relax.
- This isn't the time for war: You have to decide which objectives are worth putting yourself on the line for and which ones matter less. Reserve the right to fight just one major battle a day.
- There is nothing you can achieve with anger that you can't achieve without it.
- When you are dealing with people, you are not entitled to anything: Look for ways to earn, find or successfully create what you want out of life.
Ten Anger-Freeing Actions
- Counting to Ten: It does help to make you pause, distracts you from the trigger for your anger and gives you a different focus to concentrate on.
- Coming down from anger, fast: Healthy anger management is making a quick recovery from your body's fight-or-flight state. You can try to change your physical position (stand up/move around/open a window/step back), deliberately distract yourself, do something that't incompatible with anger (make a joke or find a lighter side to the situation), do something energetic or use a relaxation technique like yoga, meditation, prayer or chanting.
- Letting Anger Evaporate: Anger is one of your normal emotions. Rather than looking for ways to "vent" your anger you can find something else to talk about, do as you were planning to do before you got angry or find a peaceful place.
- Treating others as you want to be treated: How you treat others affects how they treat you.
- Controlling your voice: The way you choose to say things makes a big difference to the outcome of conversations. To speak slowly, speak at your normal volume and keep your tone level might help.
- Minding your body language: You need to be aware of how you look to others when you feel angry. Giving off signals of positive mood and willingness to listen become second nature with persistence.
- Getting the right kind of attention:Your anger is a way of demanding attention - to you, your view or your needs. When you are angry you are getting attention, but is it the kind you really want? As you are looking for ways to manage your anger well, think of someone you admire who manages his emotions well.
- Putting the brakes on boozing: Make a note to yourself to deal with anything you're angry about when yo'r sober.
- Accepting apologies - and making them: To manage your anger you need to be able to say "sorry and accept apologies from others
- Keeping control for as long as it takes: Sometimes you can deal with situations that trigger anger quite quickly and sometimes it requires a long conversation. Start off dealing with anger through short conversations. Gradually allow yourself to have longer conversations, where you need to keep constant control, even when new triggers occur.
Bloxham, G., & Gentry, W. D. (2010). Anger Management for Dummies. England: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
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